Categories: Inspiration

by Audrey Sutton Mills

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Categories: Inspiration

by Audrey Sutton Mills

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Release Your Kung Fu Grip

“Expectation is the root of all heartache” – William Shakespeare

Have you ever held on too long to a relationship that wasn’t good for you? Maybe your partner didn’t love you the way you needed to be loved, or the relationship just didn’t feel right. Many times a person looks great on paper, but they’re not a good fit once you really get to know them. Maybe it is bad timing, or you are just on different paths. Even so, you kept a kung fu grip on the outcome of being in a relationship, and your attachment to that outcome prolonged the suffering – for you and maybe for the other person too.

At other times, we are actually in a relationship with the right person, but we tend to place unreasonable expectations on that relationship – this applies to romantic relationships, and it applies just as well to relationships with friends, coworkers and family. It is unfair to have an expectation that any ONE person must be your be-all or end-all soul mate who gives you everything you need.

You have the ability to receive the love, romance, attention, friendship, camaraderie, empathy, and intellectual, emotional or spiritual attention, guidance and inspiration from many different people. Your mate needs to be some of these things to you (love and romance for sure), but you can also get some of these attributes (friendship, empathy, deep family connection and spiritual inspiration) from other people, like your friends, parents, siblings and coworkers. You can feel full instead of feeling empty.

The foundation of building healthy relationships is to identify your reasonable expectations from any relationship. Perhaps you can be happy receiving emotional support, romance and love from your partner, while you enjoy camaraderie with your friends, and spiritual community with friends who share your faith.

Letting go of unreasonable expectations will enable other people to truly be themselves. Bear in mind that you can’t change another person. It is fair to explain what you want from the relationship, but they will only change if they really want to change.

Another important part of developing healthy relationships and living a whole an abundant life is having the ability to get away from time wasting and energy sapping relationships. Sometimes your partner is only meant to be in your life for a reason or a season – not for a lifetime.

If your partner can’t fulfill your needs and meet your reasonable expectations, don’t try to force that person to change – that’s just cruel, and it probably won’t work. Be attuned and be able to tell the difference between when it’s time to work on and stay in a relationship and when it’s time to let go of that kung fu grip and move on. This may be when you need to reach down and find your cojones, lovingly let that person go and open yourself up to the opportunity to meet your true soul mate.

Weekly Mantra: I practice being present and fully feeling, so that I can let go of the outcome and trust the universe to support me.

 

* This article contains excepts from Audrey Sutton’s book “The Blissful Bitch” due out in 2014.

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