Categories: Inspiration

by Audrey Sutton Mills

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Categories: Inspiration

by Audrey Sutton Mills

Share

Are You Listening in order to respond or to understand?

My dad and I are BFFs. We talk several times a day, sometimes for an hour or more. Normally, it’s a give and take kind of conversation, and we tend to interrupt and finish one another’s thoughts. That’s just how we usually roll.

So, yesterday, we were having a discussion on the phone about a sensitive subject, and I was pleasantly surprised and really appreciated that he was letting me share my thoughts completely and totally without interruption. I mean, I vividly remember thinking that he was being so incredibly considerate by letting me free flow talk for about 5 minutes.

When I finished my explanation and paused, he finally spoke up and said “Hey, I was really getting mad at you, because you just kept talking and talking and talking, even while I kept trying to get a word in, but you just kept rambling on. After steaming for a couple of minutes, I finally realized I had inadvertently hit the mute button on my phone. Oops, my bad.”

We had a really good laugh over that one, because he thought I was being totally rude by talking over him, and I thought he was being extremely considerate by listening to me without interruption.

This funny little episode made me ponder how important it is to truly listen. Then it made me cringe to think about how often I don’t really, carefully listen. I was reminded by something I heard a long time ago – that the word “Listen” has the same letters as the word “silent.” One of my favorite quotes is “You were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason,” suggesting that we should listen twice as much as we talk.

Far too often, we listen to another person with the primary intention of contributing to the conversation. You’re partially hearing what the other person is trying to say, but you are really focusing and thinking about what you want to say next or how you want to respond.

Listening is a practice, and it is your gift of love, honor and respect to another person. My dad unknowingly and unintentionally gave it to me, and, for a couple of minutes, I felt acknowledged, respected, loved and truly heard. Everyone wants to be heard, really listened to and acknowledged.

Truly listening is also a wonderful gift that you can give to yourself.  The practice of being quiet, listening to others, and creating a little bit of space between your thoughts and words gives you a deeper perspective about your thoughts and judgments, allowing you to be more mindful of your tendencies to steer, interrupt or dominate a conversation. When you listen, you can be fully present, fully here, and you can touch the soul who is before you, heart to heart.

Weekly Mantra: Embrace the change for a change, and silently, thoughtfully just listen with the intention to understand not to interrupt.

 

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