Okay okay, this title was a cheap trick to get you to read my blog. HA-It worked! DISCLAIMER: I don’t think men are dogs. In fact, I think men are powerful, sexy, hilarious, deep, and can be so much more. But please keep reading…

I’ve been travelling for the last 6 weeks, so when I got back in town, all I wanted to do was catch up with my girlfriends. Over coffee, post yoga sessions and happy hours, there was a universal topic: BOYS. Specifically boy troubles.

There was a common theme to their woes. It pretty much had to do with attaching their self-worth to a man and his approval or disapproval of them. I’ve been guilty of it too. We are human, we are women, we have ovaries, thus we are emotional. We seek approval and feel rejected if a guy doesn’t call or doesn’t want us.

We often neglect and minimize the importance of how we feel inside. Instead, we look outside ourselves for more, better, and different ways to validate our self-esteem. Many times we base our self-worth and happiness on the success or failure of a relationship rather than going inward and loving all aspects of ourselves. You cannot base your value on someone’s validation of you. You have to take control of your own destiny. Here are 5 ways to harness your innate womanly beauty:

1.  Don’t be bitchy to yourself

Women say the meanest things to ourselves. How many times have you repeatedly called yourself fat, stupid, lazy, dumb, loser, ugly etc.? We would never talk to anyone else the way we negatively talk to ourselves in our head (and sometimes out loud). Write down some things you say to yourself. Circle the top 3 negative adjectives and replace them with it’s positive opposite qualities. Look in the mirror and repeat out loud “I am ___.” Do this over and over until you begin to believe it. For example if you feel that you are ugly, weak and insecure, replace this dialog with “I am beautiful, powerful and secure.” Notice and appreciate yourself several times a day and be grateful for who you are and all of your amazing gifts.

 2.  The world is your mirror

It’s so cliché to say that people and things happen to us for a reason, but it’s true. The world brings situations and people into your life to show you something about yourself. This is an opportunity to learn, not to wallow in your sorrow. For example, if you are coming from a limited place, you will attract someone who is equally limited. If you don’t value yourself, neither will anyone else. Whether good or bad, look at these events, situations and people as a growing opportunity for you. There is a gift and a lesson to be learned about yourself.

 3.  Be independent

Do you want a man who is needy, desperate, clingy and lazy? Of course not. And neither do men. Men want women who are happy, healthy and full of energy, not someone who will drag them down with misery and clinging dependence. This same rule also applies to friendships and other relationships. No one likes a wet blanket. It’s so much more fun to find yourself and live a full, happy life, rather than waiting for prince charming to appear and save you.

 4.  Be the person you want to date

Until you become the kind of person you’re looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want. Men are looking for a powerful radiant woman who has her own full life. This means you are confident and comfortable with who you are. Write down all of the qualities you are looking for in a mate, and then get honest and see if you possess those qualities too. Start to work on yourself first and be the person you want to date. You will attract this person with your radiance. You don’t need to catch a man – let him catch you!

 5.  Do it for you

When you don’t respect and love yourself, you look to the outside world: relationships, objects, and outcomes to try to boost your self-worth. Many times we chase the love from someone else that we haven’t given to ourselves. Self-esteem is our greatest ally. Feeling good about ourselves is essential in order to living a full and blissful life

When we feel great about ourselves, we radiate a magnetic energy that attracts to us all the things we desire. You are the one who holds the power to make yourself feel good. Love all of your qualities and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Women have a beauty, a power, a radiant essence that is uniquely ours. Don’t wait for someone or something to happen to you. Respect and love yourself, and you will easily feel worthy of having it all.