You guys, this is a very vulnerable share, and I almost wasn’t going to share, but hey you know me. I share my scars, openly in hopes they can help you heal your wounds.
For the past couple of months, my itty-bitty-shitty-committee has kept me stuck in a comparison spiral. Thank goodness I’ve spent a decade learning the tools to pull myself out of it, but it’s definitely been exhausting work to continually pull myself out of the darkness only to drop back in again. I guess this is our human work.
If you’ve been stuck in comparison and judgment too, you’re not alone. We’re holding a lot. So much has changed. And is still changing. When things are uncertain, our inner critic gets loud.
Everything I worked so hard to build over these last 8 years: my yoga business, soul workshops and international yoga retreats are gone. I think one of my talents is that I’m really good one-on-one. In person connection is my jam, but with COVID that no longer is an option for me.
Because of my pregnancy in 2018, I decided to begin to move to the online space, so I create my SOUL SCHOOL podcast. All of 2019 I worked hard to create and produce SOUL SCHOOL my signature online course that was schedule to launch in April 2020, coincidently, right at the beginning of quarantine. We had 51 students, which blew away my business goals. More importantly, on a heart-level, SOUL SCHOOL was indispensable to my clients (and myself) to navigate through rocky times together. I was on cloud 9! I felt in alignment with living my purpose and felt magnetic to the people I was helping.
By summer though, it seemed like every service and coaching professional was also now online. Great news for the collective as a whole to have more access to coaches, teachers, instructors. But for me and my small business, I felt like a tiny speck in the grand ocean, a small fish unseen and drowning amongst the bigger fish. Watching others thrive while my online presence was at a standstill crushed my spirit and my inner saboteur began to second-guess, doubt, judge, compare and question if I was meant to teach in this space at all.
My negative dialogue kept me in a cycle of insecurities that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t doing enough and I’ll never be enough. Really, I should just quit. And I almost did.
Here’s the truth. It is perfectly normal to shift between confidence and doubt. We all have an itty-bitty shitty committee. You’re not alone. Even Oprah has one, y’all! You’ll never escape your inner sabateur or get rid of it. The difference is the people we admire have the tools to pull themselves out of the comparison rut quicker and come back to their truth faster.
Today on the podcast I’ll share 4 steps that I use with my clients and myself to help pull you out of a comparison rut and realign your energy to be magnetic to what you desire:
#1. Notice the driftwood and say thank you
It is totally normal to ebb and flow between states of abundance and scarcity, trust and insecurity, flow and resistance. If you’re in a place of lack right now, pause and notice what you want and who you look up to who has it. Esther Hicks, law of attraction teacher explains that “driftwood” is the life and things others have that you desire. Instead of letting it dragging you down in comparison and judgment, say thank you to the Universe for bringing “driftwood,” these things and people, into your view as inspiration for what you desire and how you want to feel. They are clues you’re on the right path and you can have it too.
#2. List 3 things that are working in your life to shift you into a state of abundance and gratitude.
Why is this important? Sometimes we’re so far down that comparison spiral, it’s hard to get out of it. We retell ourselves the same belittling story. But here’s the thing: gratitude and resentment can’t coexist. Take some time and appreciate what is working in your life: your career, your health, your mental health, how you’re taking care of yourself, what you’re learning, your relationships, how you’re growing. Be specific. Really, take some time. it doesn’t have to be grand. What is working for you? Receive it.
#3. Find inspiration from those who have what you desire
Instead of comparison, get curious about their habits and mindset to inspire your next actions. What is this person you admire doing to attract what you dream of? What is their mindset? What are their habits? What are they not doing? Each time you begin to compare, pause and ask what can I learn from this person?
Also, do it in a fun and joyful way that doesn’t lead you to feel heavy or bogged down. We take on too much pressure and stress. Honestly, I believe Life with a capital L truly wants us to live with Joy as much as possible. Remember, progress is messy, never linear. Don’t view this driftwood as competition or something that’s unattainable, but as mentors to help guide you to what you desire and how you want to feel.
#4. Align with your desired feeling to be magnetic to what you desire.
So how to do you attract the life and things you desire? It all starts internally. Is your internal state matching your desired external state? Be honest.
If you want more money, for example, but you keep telling yourself you’re broke, you’re constantly worrying about bills, you’re jealous of other people’s lifestyle – guess what? you’re the opposite energy with what you desire – you’re in a total lack mode. How can you attract abundance when your thoughts, beliefs and actions are in scarcity. Feeling envious and resentful are not bad emotions. They’re just emotions. What you do with them is what matters. Do they weigh you down or do they lift you up and inspire you to take action?
Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, notice the driftwood to shift your mindset to a more abundant state to attract what you desire. Start by saying thank you for bringing in these people to show me what is possible, then list off 3 things you’re grateful for and finally what is one thing you can do now that will create a habit or skill to help bring you into more of an abundant state?
These 4 steps work for anything in your life that is deficient. If you want to find love, but your inner dialogue is that you’re unlovable, there are no good men out there, dating is too difficult, your work starts here with yourself and strengthening your relationship with yourself. If you want a promotion or a better career, but your destructive belief is that you’re not worthy of it, find inspiration from colleagues who did what you aspire to do. Notice if you keep staying, “One day I’ll”… instead shift this to make a plan.
Positive momentum attracts positive momentum.
Notice your internal conversations, your limited beliefs and destructive patterns, without getting caught up in the commentary. Are they in alignment with what you want? If not, notice the driftwood and say thank you Universe for these signs that I can have it too. Then align your energy with what you desire.
In my case, hanging out with Critical Collin and Jealous Jan kept me stuck in comparison and self-judgment. To shift this state, I said thank you for gifting me successful friends who can help mentor and inspire me.
Then I thought of 3 things that are working in my business. I’ve shared with you in episode 93 “4 ways to help when you want to quit” that I keep a virtual gratitude folder, so I went back to the texts, emails and DMs from clients saying how much my words and programs have changed their lives – women who are now happily married and in loving relationships because they learned to be in a better relationship with themselves, women who felt supported by me through tough times like miscarriages and career transitions, clients who learned soul tools from my online courses that radically changed their inner dialogue to help love and believe in themselves. Reading my clients words of appreciation immediately silences the IBSC.
What I know for sure, is that I’m supposed to be here for you, teaching you tools to quiet your itty-bitty-shitty-committee and return you to love. No more second guessing. No more comparison.
Finally, I asked myself a deeper question: What do I really want to feel and why am I really doing this? Of course, more followers and recognition would be a great bonus. I think a universal need is that we all want to feel significant. My aspiration is that I want to feel that what I teach and do makes a difference.
When I left my company where I made $300-400K a year to teach yoga, my motto was I teach to serve, not to been seen. I’ve always been doing what I do to serve you. Once I remembered this, everything else, the path and the plan fell into place, and I returned to being in alignment with my values, which brought me right into an abundant state of trust.
There doesn’t need to be gimmicks, striving or strategies. I trust when I just live this truth that is so strong in me, I will be magnetic to the people who need what I have to offer.
The same goes for you friend.
I’m not sure where you’re at in your life or business, but I hope these 4 tools help you on a personal and business level to align back to who you are at your core and share from your place of truth. Comparison can get the better of us sometimes. It can do some nasty things to us, get in our head, stand in our way of our dreams, turn us into something we’re not and make us feel like crap. Unfortunately, it never goes away. But with these tools, you’ll be able to pull yourself out of that comparison pit faster to come back to your truth.
So this Monday’s invitation is to explore what you desire, notice the driftwood this week and say thank you Universe for showing me I can have it too. If your energy is out of alignment with what you desire, your work is to shift your thoughts, inner dialogue and behavior to align with how you want to feel and what you desire.
If you’re having trouble, reach out to me. I’m here for you!
To recap the 4 steps to pull you out of a comparison rut and realign you to be magnetic to what you desire:
1. Notice the driftwood and say thank you
2. Acknowledge 3 things that are working in your life to shift into abundance
3. Take inspiration and learn from those who have what you desire
4. Align with your desired feeling to be magnetic to what you desire.
Imagine if you invested the same amount of energy you use to doubt yourself to believe in yourself, who you are and what you’re capable of!
Also, I have a lot of freebies on my website: audreysuttonmills.com and my 52-week self love journal is one of my favorite things I’ve created for you. Weekly journal to reflect on what’s working in your week, and something tangible you can look back on to see how far you’ve grown. Download it for free now.
Thank you for being here. If this helps you in any way, please rate and subscribe so others can find this podcast. Take a screen shot that you’re listening to this episode and share on instagram @blissfulaudrey what your dreams and desires are. I love hearing from you. What’s your driftwood? What are your dreams and desires? What are you struggling with? You’ve got this!