I get a lot of questions about reparenting. What is it? How to do it? In my soul school online course, our first week is all about connecting to your inner child and reparenting yourself.
According to the @holisticpsychologist, “Re-parenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.”
If the word parent triggers you, think about it really just means to re-nurture yourself. How are you going to give yourself the care you needed as a child?
So why reparent yourself?
You have generational behavior patterns that you have learned through your parents or caregivers and through their parents.
Our parents parented the best they could with the resources they had, from their unresolved needs, unmet expectations, and frustrated dreams.
They learned their belief system, their fears, their behavior patterns through their parents or caregivers.
Typically, we parent how we were parented. So those learned patterns get passed down.
So, if they were spanked or abused, you may have been spanked. If they grew up with favoritism, you may have experienced that in your upbringing. If you grew up in a house of anger, you may be quick to blame, hold on to resentment or fly off the handle. If you saw your caregivers tiptoe around each other, you may have learned co-dependent behavior.
The good news about this is through awareness, you can create your change.
Triggers are teachers. If there is some area in your life that you’re unhappy about – your relationships, how you treat or talk to yourself, addiction, anxiety, if you’re living your life for others, unsure of yourself, feeling like you’re too much or not enough – all of these are teachers.
These wounds and patterns can be linked back to childhood wounds.
You have learned beliefs and patterns that you bring into your relationships with each other and yourself. Nothing is new.
As children, we’re very good at being in tune with our environment and very good at protecting ourselves to feel safe.
Even if you had a good childhood, you learned ways of how to act by watching your caregivers, parents, siblings, cousins, and their behaviors, beliefs and expectations.
The way we treat ourselves and how we show up in relationships is what we saw or experienced as a child. If we didn’t feel safe, seen, heard or important as a child, then we will try to get that now as an adult in our relationships.
Trauma doesn’t need to be abusive or extreme or black or white. Even if you had a wonderful childhood, you still have learned certain behavior, beliefs and have childhood wounds.
We repeat what is not repaired. As an adult, we’re trying to heal that wound from childhood.
It’s our responsibility to heal ourselves so we don’t have to pass that burden to others.
Dr. Shefali Tsabari says, “The nature of unconsciousness is such that, until it’s metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation. Only through awareness can the cycle of pain that swirls in family’s end.”
Reparenting simply means to nurture yourself.
This week I invite you to sit with any uncomfortable emotions or patterns in your adult life and see how they are linked to childhood. Ask: Where did you learn that belief? Who did you learn that behavior from? And then ask your inner child how can you support him or her to feel safe and loved?
Rather than getting caught up in the story or being triggered more, I invite you to focus on your healing. You can listen to episode 96 for a guided meditation of connecting to your inner child to hear that quiet whisper answers you need to love and nurture yourself.
LMK if you liked this topic. I love hearing from you and staying connected.
Also, I’m super excited to announce my pilot program called the SELF LOVE LAB, where I’ll offer group coaching in October. Details are on my website audreysuttonmills.com. I’d love for you to be part of it!
Thank you for taking a moment to review this podcast and share it so others can heal their inner child. Remember, you are enough and you matter!