I got so many responses from the last Mantra Monday! Apparently, we are all nice people and people pleasers!
Hopefully saying no to the things that don’t light you up, are not crucial and no to the people who drain you has helped put perspective on how important you and your time are.
It’s not a selfish thing to say no. I used to think that too. In fact, it’s pretty selfless because when you do say yes, you show up fully present to that person or that situation with your cup full.
I felt so good with last week’s mantra Monday on carefully guarding my time and prioritizing it, that I went a step further. Inspired by Tim Ferris, I said NO for 2 whole days! It’s harder than it sounds!
Obviously, if you have a boss and are working, you can’t say no – at least to everything. Of course, you’ll have to say yes to some things, but just make sure it’s really important – like crucial tasks that you must do or meetings you have to attend.
Think about it, how often do you take meeting when you don’t really need to be there, or stay on a call too long, or hang out with your neighbor when she depletes you, or say yes to a task and then resent yourself for saying yes to it in the first place. Because you said YES to other people and other tasks, they are now constricting your time, forcing you to feel stressed and be busy multitasking, or even worse, you now have to forgo the most important things in your life.
So, I said no. NO, especially to the things I did not want to do or at least the things that did not need to happen in those 2 days. That was easy.
The hard part was saying no to the things I really wanted to do, like hang with friends. Why did I do this? Because frankly, I have no discipline. Typically, I play first, then work second. You know that research experiment where they give a child 1 cookie and tell them that if they wait for 10 minutes, they can have another cookie? If you don’t know this experiment, please Youtube it, because it’s the funniest thing ever – watching kids sit on their hands and roll their eyes trying not to eat the cookie. The point behind the experiment is that it can foresee who is going to be successful through their willpower and discipline. I have no willpower – remember, my alter-ego, fat kid Freddy? Hence, the play first, work second.
So, this was actually really hard but really good for me to do. But, in those 2 days of saying no, I got so much done. And guess what? None of my friends noticed or were upset by it (hello my people pleaser syndrome). I just pushed it off to a time the following week that worked for me. And it also worked for them. Win-win. No resentment or added stress.
The most important gift I received from saying NO was SPACE. There was so much space! Space to get what I really needed to get done, space for me to say yes to people and events that I may have needed to say no to because my schedule was full, space for me to do my self-care on my pelvic floor, my neck, space to do some yoga everyday, space to be present to Hunter and my husband, space for me to journal, space … space. For possibilities.
We say we have no time, but we may be poor at managing it. When you can say no, you receive space. Space to do whatever you want! You can choose. This is the best part!
I haven’t felt space for a long time. and it’s totally my fault.
So wanna try it with me? 2-days seems like an eternity, but it’s great to get you in the practice of saying no. you don’t need to answer every call, or text or check your email now. You also don’t have to be mean about it. You can say “Hmm, that sounds like so much fun, but I can’t today, how about next week? Or I would love to hop in that meeting tomorrow, but I’m pretty busy this week, can you send me an email so we can get your issues answered as soon as possible for you? SPACE!
It’s amazing how much space you’ll have just by saying no. it’s just 2 days. In that space take time for yourself. Check off those things that have been on your list for months (or years!), really have self-care (not some rushed version of it), and spend time doing the things you love with the people you love. That’s what life is really all about isn’t it? We have a finite time here on earth. Spend it where it feeds your soul as much as possible.